we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
