She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am never drinking with the goths again.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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