She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
