My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
