I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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