If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
