Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
