Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
