I have demons in me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
