I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
