i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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