OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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