Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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