she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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