I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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