Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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