Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
