she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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