My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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