I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize