His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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