Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
