At least make sure they are 18
Why
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
