i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
