i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
