I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
