I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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