i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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