You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
