Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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