those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
