he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
