I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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