Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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