nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
