So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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