i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
