You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
