for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
operation harelip BJ is a go
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
