And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
