And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
