Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
