you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
