I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
