I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
