Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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