sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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