okay pat passed out under dana's car
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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