yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
