We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
