I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
