nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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