My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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