Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
