dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
