My sheets look like a crime scene.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
