Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
