direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
