i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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