the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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