my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
