My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
