***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I cockslap morals
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
