New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
