I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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