Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
