Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize