did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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