Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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