go do what you do best...puke behind churches
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
