My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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