Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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