Nicole vs. Life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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