so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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