I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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