Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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