I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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