Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
