He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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