That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wanna go halves on a baby?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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