i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
