im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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