I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
