Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
