she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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